My biggest fear

I am probably a wee bit different from other girls. You know girls biggest fear are like, insects or animals or probably something else. Mine biggest fear...the fear of people hating me. I don't know why, but I hate making enemies, that is why I am sort of shy and quiet. Probably I thought, quiet is part of the solution for me in not making enemies, but I might be wrong.

I always have the wrong things in my mind, my every day question is 'does she hates me?' I know I shouldn't worry about petty things but that stuff keeps bugging me. Ever since I came to New Zealand I became more talkative, well that is what my Malaysian friends said. With that stupid little question coming up, there will be a whole lot of drama in my mind. You know in tv where you see a little angle and a little devil sitting on your shoulder, one persuading you to do the right, one persuading you to do the bad. My mine was somehow like that you know, but different of course I don't have that two little people sitting on my shoulder. I think because I have the attitude of 'I care too much'. I care too much about what people say, what people thinks and even caring about other people's life. I am a crazy person!! I am psycho! But you can't be perfect, you know. I guess, wherever you go there will be someone saying 'hey! she looks bitchy' or 'hey! she is too quiet'. I wish I could please everyone, but I am not a pleaser, I can't please everyone.

I shouldn't worry too much, my new year resolution is such a failure but I think I must still work on what I haven't been working on. I have to push myself harder and have positive thinking in everything.